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Birthday and Greeting Cards

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand 
A Clear Conscience
A wild night
And Festive Piss Flaps
Around the bush
Avoid Rimming
Babooning Bottom
Bang The Bearded Oyster
Be naughty... Save Santa the trip!
Bestiality Is Illegal
Birthday Twat
Blast Your Blasted Birthday
Bone Head
Breath of 1000 Clunge
Breath of 1000 Dicks
Bright red cheeks, big round belly
Brother your a...
But I can’t look away!
Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats
Cock juggling thunder cunt
Cost a lot like Christmas
Coz U’re A Cunt
Cum Belching
Delivering in Uranus.
Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?
Do you hear that? That is the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday
Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone
Donkey Dong
Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday 
Drink Smoke Screw
Dumb Fuck
Eat Like A King
Eating out of Uranus
Enough! I’m putting you on my naughty list
Escape this madness
Everyone thought she was a Cunt...
Everything you like...
Explore Uranus
Fanny flashing
Fetch my wife
Foot in your arse
Fucking arseholes
Gapping Sloppy Hole
Gay Dinosaur
Gay Shit
Get well now.
Give Me Patience
Glad Tidings Bell End
Go Do That Voodoo
Go to far...
Grandma for Christmas
Greedy Bottom
Grey Pubes
Hamster up with the vacuum cleaner
Happy Birthday Fuck Face
Happy Birthday Shit Head
Happy Christmas to a Miserable Fucker
Happy Christmas to a Ravenous Handsome Hunk
Happy Returns Wanker
Happy Valentine's Hunk
Ho! Ho! Hoax!
I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely
I just want to say? Fuck! you're old
I say no to alcohol
I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you
I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do
I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?
I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength
I'd Like To Help You Out
If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap
If you're ‘normal’
If Your Swallow
If your teabagging?
Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse
Initial Misconceptions
It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!
It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel
It's as much fun to give as it is to receive
It’s Christmas time to get absolutely bladdered
It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice 
It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get pissed up
It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig
I’d say ‘go to hell’ but I don’t want to see you there
I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted
Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!
Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass
Just plucked and stuffed the turkey
Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits
Knob Head
Lesbians are fucking bitches
Less Ding. More Dong
Let My Mind Wander
Let the over indulgence begin...
Let's Get Trashed
Like the taste
Logistical nightmare
Long In The Tit
Look big in this?
Lose My Shoe
Lover’s gape?
Loving you...
Made of Chocolate
Mega Bell End
Men are like laxatives?.
Merry Christmas Cunt
Merry Christmas Fist Fucker Cum Slut
Merry Christmas Fuck Face
Merry Christmas No Felching
Merry Christmas Now Fuck Off
Merry Christmas Shit Head
Merry Christmas Shit Stabber
Merry Christmas Wanker
Merry Christmas You Cock
Merry Christmas You Fuckin Whore
Merry Christmas You Gapping Arsehole
Merry Christmas You Old Cunt
Merry Fucking Christmas Ho! Ho! Ho!
More crap presents I don’t need!
Mother Fucking Birthday Shit Stabber
My beautiful valentine. Love you!
My handsome valentine. Love you!
Nil By Arse
No Gynecologist
Now fuck off out of my face
Now you are getting older...
Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder
Oh I feel much better now..
Old Enough To Know Better
Older The Fiddler
On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’ 
Oral sex will make your day Anal sex will make your hole weak
Out of Control Pervert
Over the hill
Part of 'Arse Hole'
Peace on earth?
Penile dementia
People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin
Permanently on the naughty list and loving it
Piss Stinking
Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning 
Plenty of drugs and booze
Poleslaw Snot Guzzler
Preferably Somewhere Else
Providing batteries for that!
Rainbow Flag
Ravenous Handsome Hunk
Redundant Flange
Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it
Santa has the right idea
Seasons Beatings Wanker
Sent a picture
Sex Change
Sex Drive
Shit Dick Cock Sucker
Simply, a cum whore...
Simply, a wanker...
Simply, amazing...
Simply, ancient...
Simply, blue waffle...
Simply, brownstarfish...
Simply, buggered...
Simply, cunt...
Simply, disgraceful...
Simply, drunk and disorderly...
Simply, embarrassing...
Simply, fuck off...
Simply, fucked...
Simply, gorgeous...
Simply, hilarious...
Simply, love you...
Simply, the best...
Since Becoming a Mummy
Size doesn't matter are shallow
Smeg Head
Smell Fish
Sod your soddin Birthday
Soggy Cum Bucket
Somebody's Reason
Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles 
Special Day
Started Walking
Stop Being Moody
Stop Talking To Weirdos
Stylish, Influential and Charming
Suffer From Insanity
Take the Piss Out of You!
Tea Bagging
That wonderful season
The depth and the warmth
The Secret of Staying Young?
The worlds greatest Farter
They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe
They want the impossible?
Thinking of you...
This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’ 
This Christmas? Eat like a king
This Morning...
Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass
Tickle My Fancy
Time for Your Medication
To a miserable fucker
Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday
Turd Thumper
Unless they're insane!
Valentine. Now take your clothes off!
Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl
We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter
What Happens In Uranus
What to buy mummy
When nailing your scrotum to the table
When You Become Senile
Which part of Fuck Off
With dead arm
Without a drink
Yeast Infection
You Have Reached The Age...
You know you're old
You Old Cunt
You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think
You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!
You're Blinding!
You're Doing It Wrong!
You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing
Young shithead
Young, Healthy and Full of Energy
Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery
Your Hair
Your Pelvis Snaps
You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum